I’m a bad Yogi~end of story….

The story ends when I stoped trying to be enlightened. Oh the relief.  I remember the obsession with this.

Well have you ever drank just water and tried to live?

I did some silly, crazy yogi purification practices. I’m quietly still wanting to do more, just try me I might. Really the evidence for fasting was and is convincing. And the highs and bliss you get for being in massive starvation is well, out-of-this-world. Most likely why my high-obsessed-ex loved fasting too. What can I say, I think I too, was addicted to extremes. The fasting just helped channel an addiction and natural high lets be so honest.

The yoga class

I went to yoga the other day, had high hopes yoga daily again. Someone else class. I can’t do it. I just cant, please don’t make me.

I like yoga I really do. But can someone suggest a class that doesn’t say things like be one with the universe, reach up and give yourself to the universe. We are light beings. Peace is a universal language. I did not ask to be told any of this. I decided If i ever do a guided visualisation for students, i’m now going to include a script. Even though i’m fly-by yogi who just goes with the flow. I didn’t like the fact that stuff was feed into me I didn’t ask for, its dangerous. I have an aversion I know, you might have picked it up by now or soon you will.The fluff irritates me. The positive reframing, brainwashing. I cant, I just cant.

We are all one

Please, I know we  came from stardust and return to it, or dirt in reality, thats it. I know we are all connected yes we can map this now. Our hearts actually beat together. Yes. Yes and more yes agree. But don’t make me equal to everyone in a way that makes me feel like i can change the world ill try, don’t give me super power like thoughts, people like me, we will believe it and go do really silly things. Like i’m not even joking . I had a friend once say to me. ‘ If I just imagine that I wont get caught, i wont” He was flipping drink driving. !! Drink Flipping Driving.

Lets change the world one person at a time, by changing inside us first

Hell, this is what almost killed me, honest ….. If not for my kids, i seriously went into a self obsessive, self reflective spiral inwards attempting to excavate, change and become a better person inside then i would never see anything on the outside that wasn’t pure love. if i was love thats all id see, more work, keep going, oh more, yep, you saw someone today who didn’t smile, keep going, go back home meditate more.

I know at least two people in my “spiritual journey ” that were  exceptionally spiritual minded, so extremely into self change and changing the world. They believed that would change the world by meditating and not needing to leave the house…. Oh shit,,, Did it work? I must ask them, but to be honest I didn’t stick around to ask. I ran far away.

I don’t like aesthetic postures

Its cause firstly i’m jealous, I tried to do this … hey look at this ocean and me laying all yogi like in a position that screams fook me. And laying back in a position id be scared to try in bed, but screams again fook me softly or ill break. But…. I can’t cause I laugh at myself  too much, i try too hard and ill become an skinny yogi dying cause ill ty to hard. If you knew me at 3 like my mum. i had roles of fat sumos would be jealous of.,hey mum if you are reading this where is that picture of me in a pram looking like if you drink my big M ill kill you, Apparently I was allergic to dairy? why was i drinking that. Anyhoo.. I loved my food until i hit pre purity and some gross man took away my self authority and well. Abused me,,, Yuck that Fooker, he said some stupid things that your EMDR therapist would wonder why you hold all your shame in that one bloody line.. Oh but we do, its like roots of a tress. And not the roots you want after a night on borbon mixed with cheap wine when you are 13 and you skull half a bottle of  borbon first. Bloody shame, can I blame everything on abuse?? I will try…..

Yogic poses that are functional now that I like, Check out a Yin Yoga class, not to get all yoga snooty but, get yoga snooty,, Not all Yin is created equal though so, no advise my class is the best chuck out the rest….

Function, here is to know what to look for in a functional teacher. They will talk like this i want you to feel into your bones, muscles tendons and ligaments like you are feeling into that turkeys butt. No more jokes ok I am done ill be serous…So they will talk about how you should feel what area you should feel it, so in your hip flexors, or your gluts, or your lower back, or they will ask you to explore the pose giving you options but these should not be the only options they should allow you to explore in-between them and be a little sloppy, if you allow say a hip that doesn’t bloody want to be point flipping forward like headlights when in friggin pigeon because you don’t want to rip your god dam tendons off your bone.  so if you dont shoot your hips forwards, or your hip bones don’t meet the god dam floor when crossing legs like some hypermobile yogi who’s lips of their hips are so ground down, or their ligaments are so torn yet they cant feel it over their nirvana chanting. im saying let your body flop seriously,… we are all created differently. Damage done in yoga pose that are more like contortion not yoga.



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